Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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  (586): Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom http://tfl.nu/p7m9
  Replies (4) Good night (1537) Bad night (545)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Umm..who the fuck is this?

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Oh shit

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  (781): Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them? (617): Umm..who the fuck is this? (781): Oh shit http://tfl.nu/ik4c
  Replies (54) Good night (2189) Bad night (6483)
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  (559): View more from California

  I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"

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  (559): I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face" http://tfl.nu/zv08
  Replies (18) Good night (1175) Bad night (5706)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass

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  (617): There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass http://tfl.nu/vj6i
  Replies (17) Good night (4106) Bad night (1945)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce

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  (917): my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce http://tfl.nu/158e
  Replies (41) Good night (1164) Bad night (3127)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it

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  (573): Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it http://tfl.nu/okq1
  Replies (5) Good night (1028) Bad night (3041)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.

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  (503): Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab. http://tfl.nu/if5q
  Replies (14) Good night (847) Bad night (3436)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1

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  (347): I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1 http://tfl.nu/kfm1
  Replies (5) Good night (2245) Bad night (1022)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.

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  (+44): That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard. http://tfl.nu/cdhm
  Replies (20) Good night (4922) Bad night (843)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.

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  (901): Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life. http://tfl.nu/oxrc
  Replies (5) Good night (691) Bad night (461)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  What am I doing with my life

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.

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  (724): What am I doing with my life (1-724): Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently. http://tfl.nu/ll9w
  Replies (3) Good night (720) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  What's your ideal size in a man?

  (765): View more from Indiana

  I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......

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  (317): What's your ideal size in a man? (765): I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow...... http://tfl.nu/zo79
  Replies (5) Good night (810) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Got another job?

  (607): View more from New York

  If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.

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  (740): Got another job? (607): If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job. http://tfl.nu/7dk4
  Replies (1) Good night (645) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.

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  (443): Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue. http://tfl.nu/vk1w
  Replies (1) Good night (962) Bad night (486)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.

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  (585): don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking. http://tfl.nu/3gr5
  Replies (1) Good night (831) Bad night (238)

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