does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.