i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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