you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.