my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
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Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops