i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
