You're my little dorito
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream