Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(419): View more from Ohio

Want to have sex later?

(614): View more from Ohio

This feels like a trap

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(419): Want to have sex later? (614): This feels like a trap http://tfl.nu/uak4

Replies (27) Good night (3451) Bad night (960)
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(443): View more from Maryland

My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.

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(443): My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth. http://tfl.nu/a6mm

Replies (36) Good night (2794) Bad night (1140)
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(206): View more from Washington

If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh

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(206): If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh http://tfl.nu/j9ko

Replies (41) Good night (8794) Bad night (990)
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(+61): View more from Australia

This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade

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(+61): This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade http://tfl.nu/eefh

Replies (14) Good night (6508) Bad night (731)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life

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(267): while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life http://tfl.nu/pj1v

Replies (16) Good night (7773) Bad night (869)
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(210): View more from Texas

I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up

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(210): I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up http://tfl.nu/dh1d

Replies (30) Good night (5410) Bad night (1231)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A

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(612): I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A http://tfl.nu/yjw5

Replies (140) Good night (7273) Bad night (1915)
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(254): View more from Texas

that's what penises do

(254): View more from Texas

they tell lies.

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(254): that's what penises do (254): they tell lies. http://tfl.nu/si8y

Replies (14) Good night (4750) Bad night (1417)
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(407): View more from Florida

She even gives head with a lisp.

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(407): She even gives head with a lisp. http://tfl.nu/76cl

Replies (17) Good night (2505) Bad night (4832)
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(903): View more from Texas

I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.

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(903): I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up. http://tfl.nu/rp3b

Replies (9) Good night (2408) Bad night (1139)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...

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(605): I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway... http://tfl.nu/fmfe

Replies (9) Good night (2311) Bad night (912)
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(330): View more from Ohio

MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.

(216): View more from Ohio

I'll be there in 20 with vodka.

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(330): MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. (216): I'll be there in 20 with vodka. http://tfl.nu/ar06

Replies (5) Good night (1376) Bad night (455)
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(425): View more from Washington

When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool

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(425): When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool http://tfl.nu/u20j

Replies (6) Good night (707) Bad night (286)
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(440): View more from Ohio

Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'

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(440): Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.' http://tfl.nu/rdeh

Replies (2) Good night (322) Bad night (436)
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(775): View more from Nevada

Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.

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(775): Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome. http://tfl.nu/b3ha

Replies (8) Good night (857) Bad night (205)

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