Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.

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  (202): remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER. http://tfl.nu/2j9f
  Replies (3) Good night (2159) Bad night (546)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.

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  (520): I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs. http://tfl.nu/4glk
  Replies (8) Good night (2971) Bad night (591)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago

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  (847): i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago http://tfl.nu/60w4
  Replies (29) Good night (5301) Bad night (888)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.

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  (321): I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment. http://tfl.nu/8o3c
  Replies (18) Good night (3218) Bad night (621)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?

  (214): View more from Texas

  Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?

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  (903): u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird? (214): Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb? http://tfl.nu/cbow
  Replies (87) Good night (1689) Bad night (5071)
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  (366): View more from

  just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.

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  (366): just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her. http://tfl.nu/eijl
  Replies (7) Good night (4681) Bad night (1340)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well

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  (401): do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well http://tfl.nu/8t7l
  Replies (7) Good night (1102) Bad night (3505)
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  (916): View more from California

  I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up

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  (916): I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up http://tfl.nu/ccq8
  Replies (5) Good night (2677) Bad night (920)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.

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  (803): could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning. http://tfl.nu/cs20
  Replies (2) Good night (1207) Bad night (580)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.

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  (520): One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops. http://tfl.nu/4y8e
  Replies (10) Good night (2002) Bad night (686)
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  (760): View more from California

  I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.

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  (760): I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment. http://tfl.nu/vulx
  Replies (2) Good night (852) Bad night (496)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?

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  (778): On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check? http://tfl.nu/1mv7
  Replies (7) Good night (1033) Bad night (344)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.

  (727): View more from Florida

  I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'

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  (727): I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude. (727): I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.' http://tfl.nu/bvh3
  Replies (2) Good night (846) Bad night (261)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.

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  (203): I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life. http://tfl.nu/5rhf
  Replies (2) Good night (479) Bad night (339)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.

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  (703): I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final. http://tfl.nu/iiqy
  Replies (0) Good night (347) Bad night (384)

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