Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
