drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
