Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
