Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
