Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
