That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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