i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
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What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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