i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
