dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
