What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
