Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
