When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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