I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
