Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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