I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
