just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
