Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
