I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
