yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
