Cold hands, warm shart.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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