Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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