It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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