I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
