This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
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Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
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Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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