trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
