just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
