I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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