Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
