i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
