Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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