Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
