Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
