textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
