I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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