WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
