areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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