I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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