I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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