my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
