do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
