i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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