this just has baby written all over it
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
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There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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