Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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