sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
