the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
