"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
