i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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