Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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