Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Bring me that man meat
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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