I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
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let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize