I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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