It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
