i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
