So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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