She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
