i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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