I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
