WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
