He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
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It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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