Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
