she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
