nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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