I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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