He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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