Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
please don't ironically join a cult
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