In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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