I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
