I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
