either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
