Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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