Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
