did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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