You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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