You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
