Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
